Why is it that whenever an event you really, desperately want to look nice for comes up, you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and find something on par with ‘The Incredible Hulk’ staring back at you. Ouch!
Well folks, as much as I hate to say it, that’s what happened to me yesterday. Guests were coming to my house, cameras were on standby, and I woke up looking disgraceful, and without a shed of confidence. Spots that were tiny yesterday were now craters, my eyebrows resembled wonky hedges, and my stomach was so bloated I’m surprised there wasn’t a news flash informing the nation that a new planet had been discovered. I was grumpy, annoyed, and insisted that Cinderella would not be going to the ball, but that Shrek had kindly taken her place.
Luckily, I had my best friend Tania on standby, who somehow managed to calm me down and make me believe that being my birthday night out, it would be more appropriate for me to make it a happy occasion. She cracked a few inappropriate jokes, pointed my eyes in the direction of a deliciously topless Danny Jones, took out from her bag her make up brushes/hair brushes/products/a positive mind, and transformed a beastly Kathy into this....
Luckily, I was quite pleased with the finished result (please excuse the oh-so-classy backdrop...). In fact, when asking my friend Joseph if I looked like a prostitute (black lace and red shoes!), he said, "erm, I suppose one you'd have to pay £100,000 to sleep with." He's always been a natural born romantic....
One glass of wine soon turned into another, and I ended up seeing my teenage years out with a bang (-ing headache.) Not only this, my bra bustled up during a tragic performance of Whigfield's 'Saturday Night' dance routine, I stood on a chair and informed all my guests that I was wearing control pants, I clambered up onto a stage where a band were playing in town, and started singing along (not my classiest moment), and I squealed with excitement so much about everything that my voice is almost non-existant today. To top it off, I have woken up, on my 20th birthday, with swollen feet and the hangover from hell!
All in all, a successful night ladies!
Today, my main task is trying to stay awake/walk in a straight line, but my mum bought me a leg of lamb as a birthday present (she knows the way to my heart!), so a big, family roast is on the cards a bit later on! If that's not good therapy for my hangover/the knowledge that on this day in ten years time I'll be thirty, then I don't know what is.
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Love and peace to you all, hope you have a glorious Sunday! X