A candid tale of 20-something humanness and extended note to self.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

A little word from Ronny C.....

Ladies, today something exciting is happening. Firstly, I don't have to write a proper blog post (don't get me wrong, there's nothing I love more than writing on here, but I have three episodes of Eastenders to catch up on before 7.30pm tonight!), and secondly, it's the first time I've had a guest blogger!

Ross (aka Ronald/Ronald C), who featured in my blog post yesterday, has responded to said article. And not only will it make you laugh so much you'll probably start agreeing with my mother that I 'absolutely have' to marry this guy, it will also add a splatter of colour to the picture I painted for you previously!

So here's a photo of the bride and groom that will never be, followed by a few, kind/slightly embarrassing words from the man himself. I'll be blogging as normal tomorrow ladies! Enjoy x


As the former post written in true shakespearean prose is partially dedicated to yours truly, I feel that I must clarify some popular misconceptions and expose some truths about dear ol' Kathy. (I can sense Kathy's heart skipping beats, whilst simultaneously conjuring up all the possible known expletives and profanities known to man) And believe me, I have enough dirt to write a best seller!

First things first then, I am not Kathy's brothers best friend. We just happen to have been frequenting the same places for the past 12 years or so. Be it in bars, restaurants (romantic meals for 2) or the occasional gay club where her brother and I have been known to dance the funky chicken in mere string-laced thongs until 2am. This does not qualify as a friendship, more mere social-associates if you like.

However, it is true, I have been subjected to several thousand cups of tea in my time frequenting the House of Kathy & Co, and I must state clearly, that Mummy B makes the best cuppa in the world.
She may pretend not to know how many sugars I still take, but underneath the diversion tactics, I know it's all a silly flirtatious game. The vampish stares and 'come-hither' finger waves over a hobnob usually give it a way.

I did promise that if I could not wed Kathy, I would happily run away with Mummy B. She did not seem too opposed to the idea, might I add. So, son-in-law maybe not. Perhaps Kathy, you wouldn't mind calling me 'step-daddy'?

Of course, I think her father may have a few small issues with this hostile takeover plan, and I would quite like to stay on his good side for now, so we will forget that I mentioned the above and move along.

Unfortunately for Kathy, I have taken on a small, brother-like role in her life and know very well that her previous conquests have not all been welcomed in to the family with open arms. Kathy does have a tendency to select questionable-males types she has clearly stumbled upon from the feral sewer system on her way home from a raucous night out. So as you can imagine, being a rather literate and well-educated female, I have politely told her to ditch the rats back to where they came from, prior to the 'meet-the-parents' moment, knowing full well it would go down about as well as a kick in her old mans proverbial bollocks.

The description of yours truly is very precise and accurate so we won't dwell on that part too much!
At this point I would like to add that I am debt free and I also look good dressed in a tight boob-tube top with diamonte detail. Any takers?

Moving on to my slightly misrepresented faults then; Ronald is a uniquely disgusting name that I have adopted for some bizarre reason. I have never tried to understand how women think and I am not about to start trying now, but, needless to say, Kathy is responsible for the nickname. I never quite understood her reasons for it as I'm not ginger (although I know she isn't impartial to the carrot-haired gentleman) and I can't perform magic tricks. Well, not the magic tricks we're discussing now anyway. Nevertheless, Kathy has acquired the name 'Hagrid', which I feel is a fair comparison.

Well as much as I'd like to spill more beans, I must wrap this spiel up (as it's not my blog and I certainly have no interest in stealing all of Kathy's fanbase)
I do believe there was £100,000 on offer courtesy of Mummy B if I were to marry Kathy, so I am off to exploit this offer to see what else I can trade for it.

Stay tuned for part 2

Step-Daddy to be (Ross) x
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