A candid tale of 20-something humanness and extended note to self.

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

10 ways to get rich (not-so-quick.....)


I know I talked about writing something festive today, but as soon as I thought about Christmas, it came to my attention that I only have two more pay cheques until the big event, and endless people to buy for. I also have a terrible habit of filling up stockings for my two dogs, regardless of the fact that come Boxing Day, all that's reminiscent of my pawfect gifts (aren't I the local comedian this evening...), are chewed up bones, and abandoned toys that already have one eye missing. 

Added to this, I'm planning a nerdy adventure around Dublin with my best friend in February. I can't wait to get past the traditional panic attack/hysterical drama on the plane (ask said best friend about that one), and spend a week rummaging around beautiful castles, getting windswept hair on canal boats, drinking far too many cocktails/pints of Guinness, and watching my Groom Eligibility Criteria fly out of the window when I fall in love with every single man that has an Irish accent. 

However, as I'm sure you are aware, 6ft wonky trees, 'that cutlery set' that your Great-Aunt Mildred wants, plane tickets, and shoes that say 'hello Irish man, fall in love with me', don't come cheap. For my own benefit (and yours, in places), I've searched high and low for the 10 best money making/saving tips out there.

When I say I've searched high and low, I actually mean that I've sat with a contemplative smile for half an hour, and plucked them from the realms of my frazzling brain. I shan't tell you that though.

1) Put £2 in a pot every time you so much as contemplate eating a scotch egg with a spoonful of brown sauce. If you're anything like me, you'll be rolling in change by the end of the week!

2) Do not buy that lovely, mocha coloured blouse that you think you'll be able to fit in by New Year. Let's be honest, you won't, not after all those mince pies and turkey sandwiches. You look gorgeous in your teal coloured blouse, anyway, so hang it back up, and save yourself the pennies.

3) Cancel a Direct Debit, preferably not one that's paying off your laptop loan or your phone bill. If you do that, it's very likely that an angry, beefy-faced man will ring you up and shout at you, and none of us need that hassle. Your Glossybox subscription however? It may be a box of genius, but is it really necessary? (Let's not answer that question, or number 3 is a completely invalid tip. ) 

4) Take those hideous pink lycra shorts, and that expensive coat that you were oh-so-definitely going to wear, and have instead used to scrub foundation off of your dressing table, and put them both up on Ebay. If Ebay was a man, I'd certainly let him take me out on a date. What an amazing idea! After all, one woman's copper is another woman's gold. I'd recommend that you wash the foundation stains off first, by the way.

5) Work what your mumma gave you, take a seductive picture of yourself in nothing but an orange sarong (ooh-la-la!), and send it into Nuts magazine. Who knows, they might take one look at it and declare that you are the hottest thing since the Vindaloo that they had last night. One photo shoot later, and your seat on the plane will be well and truly reserved. And plus, it's not like your nan will ever find out...

6) Completely ignore the fact that you just read number 5. Truth be told, I just spilt hot chocolate all over my new fleecy pyjama bottoms, and needed to make myself laugh to ease the pain. You will be pleased to hear that I accomplished this mission as soon as I wrote the word 'sarong.' Instead of taking seductive pictures, you should give me lessons in how to adequately position my mug within my chubby hand. I will pay you lots of money, I promise.

7) Have a bootsale. If Ebay's not your thing, donning a pair of hot pink wellies and sitting in a field debating with hagglers just might be. I absolutely love bootsales, not just because of wellies and hagglers, but also because once the item's gone, it's gone (I'm not a huge fan of lugging crumpled parcels to the post office.) You never know what you might find either. If you love antique books and wonky clowns as much as me though, your 5 minute wander across the field might just burn a hole in your takings. Be careful, lovely ladies!

8) Pre-drink. I'm not a wild party animal, and only tend to get hideously drunk on my birthday. Due to this, I don't mind buying a few drinks on a night out, as the fact that I usually just get merry, find some cheesy chips (so classy, I know), and fall into my bed by 1am means that I'll rarely spend more than £10 where friends and bars are involved. However, I do know a lot of people that live for their weekly, crazy, Saturday night adventures. And I do know that starting at home is the best way to avoid those cheeky bar prices. And those cheeky, handsome bar men, that cheekily convince you that cheeky bar prices are actually reasonable.

9) Have a loose change money box. Trust me, you will be so amazed at how much it helps you save, that you will probably throw it in the air in excitement when you count it after a few months. Plus, counting money is an adrenaline-pumping task when there's a picture of that deliciously cute, quilted handbag you've been after for ages in your head.... (I appreciate I need to get out more.)

10) My dad always tell me to do the 'Do I really need it?' question when off out on one of my eagerly awaited shopping sprees. I am a firm believer that this is a completely pointless question, as the only things I really need in life are food, water and love, and everything else is just a lovely bonus. I like lovely bonuses. If you think this technique could work for you though, by all means give it a go!



So there we have it ladies, 10 glorious tips, that I doubt will help you in any way, shape, or form. What are your best money making/saving tips?

I hope you've all had a lovely start to the week. You'll be pleased to hear that I won't talk about money now for a good fortnight. 

Love to you all! xXx
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10 comments

  1. Love this! I've just offloaded some of my wardrobe onto ebay, and I'm actually getting a bit sad at the fact that there's two people having a bidding war on my favourite dress that doesn't fit me anymore :( Although I do want them to keep going so I can cash in!

    All I need now is the orange sarong :)

    xxxxxxxx

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  2. I'm a serial ebayer, although the money ends up being spent again on ebay! I've always done the loose change jar too, taking my dinner to work has saved me a few quid too when i don't get tempted to go out for something more appealing!
    Great tips!
    xx

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  3. This made me laugh, a lot. I'd like to clarify that I've seen the hideously drunk Kathy and while entertaining, I'm sad it only happens once a year. However, this is good news for your bank balance, so YAY you for being such an awful drunk ;) xxx

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  4. Haha! Number 5 made me laugh!!! I sell my stuff on Facebay! (facebook ebay) because I cant be bothered with having to post things LOL. xx

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  5. Haha good girl! I know, Ebay is so much hassle! Ps: I love you Vick!! Xx

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  6. Haha these are so funny!! I'm an eBay addict and am currently trying to sell like a zillion things on eBay. I always end up spending the money on eBay though! I think I will have to tone up the abs first before I try out number 5! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.com/

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  7. I do try haha! I've just had a massive clearout on Ebay which has gone pretty well for me! Now for the awful posting part...

    I'm sure you don't need to tone up, you gorgeous thing you! Xx

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  8. Found it very funny and really these ways are good sometime.. for more visit www.emonthloans.co.uk and get more..

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