A candid tale of 20-something humanness and extended note to self.

Thursday, 29 December 2011

Kathy B's guide to the New Year's Eve spectacular....


As I'm sure you're all aware from my previous blog post, there's nothing I love more than the optimism, magic, resolution writing, shiny high heels, and feeling of something new and beautiful that comes with the dawning of a New Year. Paramount to the success of such an occasion, is of course the NYE spectacular- the big night out. Whether it's the 'anything goes' attitude that we find ourselves abiding by (after all, whatever happens on NYE is so last year...), the fact that most people have the next day off work, or due to the sheer simplicity that it is a fantastic excuse to get hideously drunk and kiss someone you'd never normally find attractive, New Year's eve celebrations are looked to with great anticipation.

For a self confessed New Year junkie, history has a tendency to offer me a bitter anti-climax to all of my 'it's going to be the best night out ever!' claims. Last year, as the grand arms of our dear old friend Big Ben struck midnight, I was laying in bed with swine flu, weeping profusely at the thought of not even being able to go outside and watch the fireworks leap through the sky. The year before that, I stayed up drinking until 6am on January 1st, and spent the rest of the day projectile vomiting and trying to remember my own name. Oh, and the year before that, I hosted a party at my house (much to the annoyance of Mr and Mrs B), and ended up giving a slurred witness statement to the police after one of my very selfish guests decided to punch my best friend's dad. In the face. With a broken bottle. It's safe to say that this friendship ended as promptly as the party, and all in all, previous celebrations haven't quite lived up to my excitement.

With a handful of disastrous New Years Eve history in tow, I am convinced that this year I'll remember the night for all of the right reasons, and will not get reacquainted with my toilet bowl, ladder my tights, come within 2ft of a tired policeman, or convince myself that the Nike obsessed chav who lives across the road is suddenly the most attractive man I have ever seen in my life. I have put together my very own guide to the NYE spectacular. After all, I am a wo-man with a plan, and whilst I completely agree that NYE should be wild, crazy and spontaneous, there are definitely a few homemade rules that I shall be following...

Do not eat like the end of the year is the end of the world. You may be overexcited about starting your celebrations with a girly meal in a swanky restaurant, but this is no reason to eat like a starving Rottweiler. Bruschetta crumbs and pink cocktail stains do not compliment the LBD.

Do not send your New Year texts on the stroke of midnight. This is a) a waste of valuable kissing time, and b) an exercise that will fail, miserably.

Ensure, in the minute before midnight, that you are not within a one mile radius of your obsessive ex/your 6ft ginger stalker/the 40 year old pervert from down the road who thinks it's appropriate to compliment your cleavage every day. They will be on your face before you even utter the 'hap' of 'happy', and your whole night will suddenly be on par with the day you lost your Mulberry handbag on the bus.

Reminiscing about the previous 12 months? Fabulous. Reminiscing about how much of a pr*ck your ex boyfriend is, in front of his genuinely nice new girlfriend? Not so fabulous.

Dance like a walrus on crack, but try to maintain some dignity. Hairy nipples and vajazzles on display? No thanks!

Do not drunkenly offer to handle any fireworks. You may feel invincible, but your heel will get stuck in the grass, and you will end up sitting on a rocket. This will not do your half decent bum any favours.

Do ring your family in the early hours to send them your love, but refrain from deafening them down the phone. Let's be honest, it's unlikely that they're having quite as wild a night as you are.

Think twice before pressing that oh-so-fateful 'send' button. New Year's Eve is primetime for a sent items box that will have you pulling various 'oh, shit' faces in the morning. That guy you've been seeing for a few weeks will run a mile when 'I knowits not been lnng, but I thijnk I lov you x' pops up on his iphone screen...

Know your limits. I appreciate I sound like an 80 year old with this one, but good old Granny B has a fair point. Just because it's the ultimate night out of the year, it doesn't mean that you are suddenly immune to those orange shots that make you sick/fall over/get thrown out of bars every single time.

Most importantly, have fun, be wild, and make the most of that midnight kiss! Not many kisses are surrounded by cheers and fireworks! Just make sure you don't tweet a picture of it in all the excitement. The girls do not need to know it was with a David Mitchell lookalike wearing a Dr Who t-shirt...



What are your plans for New Years Eve? Dinner and drinks with the girls before obligatory ogling? A party? A quiet night in with your man? I do love hearing about what everyone's up too!

Hope you're all okay! Remember, you can now follow me on Twitter right here!

xXx
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8 comments

  1. I love this it's just so positive, thanks for posting this!!!
    This is a brilliant blog by the way! Xxx

    http://bellepearlxx.blogspot.com/

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  2. Thank you so much Megan! You have made my day! Xx

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  3. This is so funny I love the way you write! And I hope this new year is better than the last one.
    xx

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  4. Aw thank you very much! :) Me too haha! Xx

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  5. Haha! This made me laugh :) sounds like good pointers for having an epic night!!

    I'm super impressed that you've been writing for so long!! What's your book about?? I think my strengths are more in editing than writing, but I still want to write another book. I had to write one for a class in college... It was terrible. :) so hopefully round two will be better!

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  6. The drunken firework point is a brilliant one. Something that should be so obvious. Next year I will not agree to let my drunken friend light two at the same time - and then fall over. Happy new year lovely! xx

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  7. Thank you ladies! Happy New Year to you all! My book is a mix of romance/drama/sex/psychological/cocktails... I think I will need to invent a genre that covers it all! Good luck with your second book, I'm sure it'll be grand if it's anything like your blog!

    Haha oh dear, your friend is officially a legend! Xx

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  8. I wish I'd have seen this post sooner as I am sat at my desk giggling my head off with tea spitting in all directions!
    You are an amazing writer and this post is one of my favourites!! You are so right with all of the hints and tips though, I always end up eating my own weight in mini finger food only because it is small!! xx

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