A candid tale of 20-something humanness and extended note to self.

Monday, 16 January 2012

Internet Dating Investigation part three: Rippling the fishpond...


As part of my in-depth investigation into the weird, wild, wonderful, and at times, worrying world of Internet Dating, I had a bit of a 'Eureka!' moment with my best friend, and came up with an idea to temporarily ripple the Plenty of Fish pond.

We decided to create a fake profile; one that featured photographs of my usually oh-so-classy best friend, looking instead like a clone of Jodie Marsh. While I appreciate this makes me sound like a 12 year old with nothing better to do, I was keen to step my investigation up a phase and actually conduct a full, IDI related experiment.

Our mission was to find out how the male species would respond to a girl, that in our eyes, was the definition of everything that should turn a man off. Having perfected the 'put my make up on with a shovel' look, and exposed a not-so-healthy amount of cleavage in the 3, very pouty, very disgraceful pictures that we uploaded, we wrote a description that informed the fisherman that 'Good time gal, lookin 4 fun', was an unemployed, self confessed 'chav', with a 40-a-day smoking habit, a love for 'gettin so drunk I cant stand', and a complete disregard for anyone that 'won't do fings ma way'. We littered the profile with hideous grammar, the occasional f-word (and I'm not talking ferrets), and 14 uses of the word 'lol'.

We published the profile, logged out, ate some ice cream, contemplated going to Tesco to buy more, decided against it, and logged back in 10 minutes later. We repeated this cycle for the next 24 hours (interrupting it for sleep and a day at the office, of course). I promise, I am by no means exaggerating when I say that in just one day, our inbox was bursting at the seams, with a whopping 824 penis-clad messages, 113 of which were received within the first 5 minutes of creating the profile.

I couldn't help but feel a little angry, with both myself, and the fisher-male population. It made me realise how ridiculously naive I am when it comes to judging the things that men will and won't do. Apparently, just because a guy has a brain the size of a planet, social etiquette on par with Prince William, and rambles on about creativity, travelling, and how much he loves snuggling up by the fire in a rustic country cottage, it doesn't mean he's impartial to a woman with no prospects, that's prepared to offer everything on a plate. At this point, I'd like to clarify that said plate is more 'paper' than expensive china.

Admittedly, I understand that some young men (let's not get too judgemental), often have a dangerous habit of thinking with nothing but their willy-wonka, and that if sex seems easy and accessible, they won't think too much about taking it. However, I was completely shocked by the type of men that were appearing in the inbox over, and over again.

Guys that had previously sent me long messages complimenting my quirkiness, asking about my writing, and generally rambling away about innocent, intellectual, and interesting things, were now sending cheap one liners about, to put it bluntly, sucking on nipples, 'dirtee' sex, and no strings fun. Not only had their desire to be gentlemanly appeared to have disintegrated, but their Oxford dictionary style use of language had also been ditched in favour of the oh-so-disgraceful 'bbz', 'ite', and 'ows u' cliches, that make me want to gauge my own eyes out with a rusty spoon, just to save my own sanity. Evidently, my 'gosh, he'd never do that' radar isn't quite as sharp as I may have thought.

While I appreciate that the online dating world is one that thrives behind a screen, and therefore often means that people will break boundaries that they'd never cross in the real world, I find it ridiculously disappointing that the same man I was considering meeting up with for a dinner and a chinwag, is also the same, incredibly weird man that wants to suck on the tatty bs of 'Good time gal' until she 'milks like a cow'. I can assure you all, that I have refrained from contacting this man again. I feel that even describing him as a Class A creep is a huge understatement.

Overall, my mission to ripple the fishpond was a brutal tale that has taught me 4 very valuable lessons:

1. 824 men on this planet are disgustingly desperate.
2. Even Prince William might have a disgraceful side. Do not assume that all men who are intelligent, sophisticated, creative, and lovely, are not also closet perverts.
3. One man, name withheld, thinks that asking a woman if he can 'milk her like a cow' is a question that will earn him a valid response. If you see this man, please try to resist your urge to fall head over heels in love with him...
4. Dating in the real world is a much better idea.

Finally, I'd like to clarify that 'Good time gal' was just a 24 hour craze. Sorry guys!


What do you think folks? Did my findings shock you, or am I just far too naive?!

Hope you're all okay! xXx




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8 comments

  1. Aww this makes me really sad and hate men even more :( good research! x

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  2. this definitely makes me want to stick to my new years resolution of staying single for a year even more! men,psht! xo

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  3. haha I can't say I'm suprised by your findings.. I'm sure bets would have been placed and won as to your findings..
    Thing is, the www is a big fish pond and even the most quiet geek like boy can turn into a sex crazed fiend..
    what would cause some laughs would be to have 'good time gal' put in front of a group of boys and then see their reactions and how their one liners go..haha
    keep the invesitgations coming, such a great read!

    Caroline.x


    www.starsandthebutterflies.blogspot.com

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  4. Loved this Kathy! I think this post needs to go viral right now so that women can see how shit and desperate some men can be! Men always call women slags and hoes but what about them? Dirtbags! Really enjoyed reading this but am also sorry you had to see all those disgusting messages urgh! Seriously, how do they come up with these one liners?! Haha!

    Jen xx

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  5. Fabulous findings. All too true! x

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  6. Dear Lord, I almost feel sorry for the male population. I had no idea they're as pathetic as they are (though I had my suspicions). It almost makes me want to try an experiment like this in person and see how many more men come up to me in a club than usual (which is, er, not many). But then again, I'm not sure I could bring myself to stoop to that level without being violently sick over some sleazy douche.

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  7. What an amazing find! I honestly cannot believe how awful some males are in this country, it is so wrong on so many levels.

    I may have peed at "incredibly weird man that wants to suck on the tatty bs of 'Good time gal' until she 'milks like a cow'", just a little, what a gent!

    I love this series that you are doing and I cannot wait for the next part!! I am now100% up to date with all of your posts, wahooo! It has made me day at work that little more enjoyable my lovely xxx

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  8. That was such a good idea to do! So funny how men can change! I think it was a great idea for you to do this and has saved you from having to go out with the cow guy! I love your blog, I wish I could hang out with you, sounds so much fun! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.com/

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