Sunday, 22 January 2012
Kathy B's guide to making somebody's day...
Earlier this week, I met a woman. I met her in a medical setting (don't worry, I haven't accidentally chopped 2 and a half of my stumpy fingers off, or eaten a Dyson hoover in a spontaneous moment of intense hunger), but I did have a routine appointment to attend, and I expected, that the medical setting alone would mean that she was going to be absolutely lovely. After all, when you go to the doctors, the last thing you need to be faced with is a female version of Phil Mitchell, greeting you with an expression as unappealing as the back end of a cow. That folks, is what I got.
Admittedly, I am about 2ft tall and ridiculously jolly, and could easily be mistaken for an invading leprechaun, however, as far as I'm concerned, I wasn't the reason for her sh*t day/even sh*tter mood, and the fact that she couldn't reciprocate my chattiness/friendliness/politeness really bongoed my banjo. In fact, for 12 long minutes, I lost all faith in the kindness of humanity, and almost cried. ('Almost' is probably a lie. I'm so 'aaaard that I haven't even 'almost' cried since about 1999...)
Tears or no tears, the whole ordeal got me thinking about manners and morality (I appreciate 'ordeal' may seem slightly dramatic, but I can assure you, the woman was awful to me!), and in a bid to cheer myself up, I started thinking of all the little things that friends and strangers have said/done that have at times, made my entire day. If there's one thing that I absolutely love about human beings, it's a) that I am now old enough to talk to strangers without getting into trouble with dear old Mummy B (so wild), and b) that sometimes, human folk can be so kind when it isn't even necessary to be, and after just a fleeting moment, they can have you smiling for the rest of the day.
Based on my own experiences, and some of the things I've done for others (I'm no Florence Nightingale but I am the occasional good Samaritan), I have devised my very own guide to making somebody's day. Mrs Phil Mitchell, I suggest you use this as a hardcore revision tool.
Compliment someone. As much as somebody may squirm/blush/shriek 'nooooo, don't be silly!' the second that someone says anything remotely nice about them, let's be honest, deep down we all love a cheeky little compliment! Like that stranger's shoes?! Or think your best friend's hair looks particularly ravishing today? Tell them- you can guarantee them a smile! Unless, of course, you are a 56 year old creep called Teddy who hires 65 stone women to sit on your face. If you are one of those, it is likely that your 'thank you' will come in the form of a knee. In your groin. Hard.
Hold open a door for someone. Nothing quite says gentlefolk like the holding open of a door, although please be sure that the recipient of your kindness is no more than 5 steps away, or you will force them into that awkward, 'my bra's bunching up but I can't leave them dawdling in the doorway' run towards you that may in fact rattle their cage instead. Anything within 5 steps is a small, sweet little gesture that rarely goes unnoticed, particularly if you are a relatively dishy looking male, holding said door open for a 2ft, ridiculously jolly leprechaun...
Spontaneously burst into song. The morning after my encounter with Mrs Phil, I was having a fight with the photocopier at work, when the borderline elderly lady using the copier next to me suddenly started belting out 'Halle-lu-jahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, HALLE-LUUUU-JAAAAAAH!', whilst doing some kind of amateur tap dance on the ever-so-squeaky floor. I bent 4 whole paperclips in the euphoria of this hilarious moment, and next time I bump into said photocopying legend, I will most definitely join in with the fun. (I will be more hyperactive walrus than amateur tap dancer, but I will sure as Norah give it a shot!)
Smile. This one is fairly self-explanatory, but a simple smile can go a long way. Smiley people make other people smile, and before you can even say 'cheese', the whole room looks set for one hell of a good photo.
Take a mundane job off of someone's hands. According to Daddy B, the best thing I've done for him so far this year is regularly make him my very own scrambled egg spectacular, which, may I add, has been entirely edible and delicious every single time (move over Delia, there's a new girl on the scene)! Whilst spreading marmalade onto toast isn't perhaps the best example of a mundane task (I find it quite a thrill, if I'm honest), my scrambled egg gestures have been saving him the job of getting his own breakfast on the odd occasion, and apparently, this kind of thing is fairly appreciated in the domestic world. Whatever you do choose to take off of someone's hands, please ensure that it isn't the ironing. There's a fine line between kindness and insanity folks....Do not cross it!
Send a sweet text. I absolutely love surprising people with spontaneous text messages that let them know how much I care about them, remind them of a wild, hilarious memory between us, or simply ask them how the devil they are, and I absolutely love receiving them too. Last week, my lovely friend JB, who, if you are feeling particularly nosy, you can find looking rather dashing in one of my photos on Twitter, sent me a text out of the blue that started with, 'You are one of the kindest, most down to earth girls I've ever met, and I'll always be here for you I promise.' Considering the fact that JB is a bit of a 'lad', and tends to stick to cheeky, sarcastic compliments that are often accompanied by a wink or a laugh (as you can imagine, for this reason alone, we get on like roast beef and gravy), his little snippet of genuine loveliness was very much appreciated. Get texting I say!
Give someone a cuddle. Cuddles are the perfect way to cheer someone up/make them smile. I love me a good cuddle, just as long as my tatty-bo-jangles aren't being squashed into anything that looks like it should be in a box of McVities cakes. Don't overdo the squeeze, please! Oh, and good aftershave/perfume will always work in your favour wherever a cuddle is involved. The gesture could well be considered criminal if you smell like a half eaten shepherds pie that's been stored in a lunchbox for 3 years.
Strip down to nothing but a bright orange pair of pants/knick-knacks, and skip through the streets giving out free scotch eggs. Whilst I feel the need to clarify that anyone that did this would quite possibly make my entire life, let alone just one day, I can't suggest that this is a genuine recommendation. If you do find yourself considering doing this for more than 16 seconds, you are officially my idol, and I think we should get married.
Please feel free to nominate me for a 'Woman of the year' award after publication of such a good-hearted, enlightening post.
I hope you're all well, you fine bunch of lovely human beings! And you, you who read these words right now, you're looking pretty gorgeous today, if you don't mind me saying! :)