A candid tale of 20-something humanness and extended note to self.

Sunday, 25 March 2012

'The One', and 'The One, for now'


I've never been a massive believer in 'the one'. I've always been more of a 'the one, for now' kind of girl, not because I'm a bed-hopping, man-eating commitment-phobe (I'm not, honest), but because I understand that us human folk change and evolve so much throughout our lifetimes, that 'the one' is often just a beautiful myth glamourised by Channing Tatum clad films and captivating romantic novels that warm our hearts. Don't get me wrong, I love these stories, I love being in love, and I love the idea of love; extraordinary, soul-binding, eternal love (the proof is in the pudding/the blog post), but let's be honest, in a world where expectations are high, and dating is so accessible, living a happily-ever-after with just one person until I'm grey seems to me, at the moment, just a lovely thought that's going to remain upon the well-read pages of the books I know and love.

Having spent many a fine evening exploring the realms of my wonky brain cells and collaborating my thoughts on this topic, I've realised that the amount of time shared with someone isn't necessarily the most important thing. Yes, a couple that have spent endless years together may well have developed the extraordinary, soul-binding, eternal love that I speak of, but a couple on the opposite side of the street that have been together for the same amount of time may not have had a proper conversation in a decade.

As much as I'd love to find someone that I could marry some day, I'm more than happy to embrace and enjoy the concept of 'the one, for now.' After all, without such wonderful creatures, I know that my notebooks would be emptier, my learnt lessons would be fewer, and my shoebox stuffed with every single romantic card/gift/letter I have ever received would probably hold a battered old pair of hooker heels instead. Battered old hooker heels aren't half as lovely, and can't be quoted in Chapter 5 of my novel, either.

The essence of the situation is the most beautiful and important part of being romantically involved with someone. I don't appreciate menfolk any less just because it doesn't work out, or because we change, grow apart, and move on. I don't appreciate a guy any less because we don't stay in touch. Apart from the occasional 'hello' if we run into each other, and annual Facebook catch up, I never speak to my ex boyfriend, however I'll always think of him fondly because of how much I loved him, and how happy he made me at the time. The noodles he cooked me were pretty special too.

Once upon a fine summer's night, I met a soldier and sat on the beach with him until 6am talking about the world, as he sees it, and it was one of the most valuable conversations of my life. I knew his innermost, deepest thoughts by sunrise, but I didn't even know his name, and when we left each other there was no exchange of numbers or displays of dramatic emotion. That was us, and all that we were supposed to be, and as he disappeared into the distance, I found that the butterflies in my stomach did too. That was us, and that was our time, and we parted by saying that we were entirely grateful for it.

I appreciate the menfolk I have/have had feelings for because of the memories we've made, and the things I've learnt from them. Whether they're still in my phonebook or not does not define the role they've played in my life or the way that I think of them, and I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that even if I do find 'the one', I will still value every single man that's captured my heart and imagination beforehand. I've finally realised that it doesn't matter if my life differs from the characters in the books that I cherish. Their story is theirs, and this story is mine.

And that folks, is all I have to say today. Sarcasm and wit will resume next blog post, I promise.


What does 'the one' mean to you?

xXx
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16 comments

  1. The one means someone you'll never forget, whos forever on your mind, even if you or they never act upon it xo

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  2. It doesn't matter how long it takes to find, when you do it's the most amazing thing. My nan fell in love and got married again at nearly 70 years old, and he will always be the one for her, even though they were only married a year before he passed away.
    Everyone has a story to tell, just enjoy every moment with 'the one' as well as the journey getting to him!!

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    1. Aw how sweet is that?! Yes, that's very true! And I will! Love you Ash! Xx

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  3. Great post and so well written my little writing guru! Your posts are great, because they always make us think! I'm not sure about the whole 'the one' thing, I'd like to believe it but then I've seen people close to me go through hard heart braking relationships that were meant to last forever and it has made me think. Mr.Boyfriend is a real dreamer and thinks that we will be together in 70 years still arguing over who gets the last piece of cake, this is a lovely concept and the longer I'm with him the more I like the idea, but it makes me feel like I'm in WW2 and the sort that marries the boy next door. It is my first serious relationship and I feel like I would look like a right saddo if I marry my first bf and I'm just settling, but who says any relationship is different with more love if its your first or your thirteenth? I don't think you can really know who the one is, you just have to live in the moment. XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Thank you so much Missy! :) Your comments always make me smile so much! Aw, Mr Boyfriend sounds absolutely lovely! It's so nice when the guy looks to the future.. Sounds like you may have yourself a keeper there!

      I think I agree with you there... I guess 'the one' is a concept you'll only ever be able to understand when you're old and grey and know which man has had the biggest, most life-changing impact on you. Aw!

      Xx

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  4. Wow! I've never seen this side to your writing before KB but I love it. It's just so awwwww! Even though the battered old hooker heels made me laugh...a lot, this post is really inspiring and beautiful.

    I heart you!

    Jen xx

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    1. Aw thank you Jen! :) I am a dark horse. I do have the occasional habit of writing delicately and passionately! I might have to start publishing some of my poetry to shock you all haha!

      I heart you too! Xx

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  5. :)
    I get what you're saying, for sure. In the midst of the dating pool, it's easier to believe in the "one for now." Totally makes sense. I've always believed in the one. I think God each gives us someone, and He helps us find that person. Cheesy much? :)

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    1. Fairly cheesy but such a beautiful thought! :) Xx

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  6. Such a beautiful, open and honest post and I can totally see where you are coming from my lovely! I believe that you should enjoy your time and I am sure you will know when you have found 'the one', of course that is when Ryan Reynolds opens his eyes and sees how beautiful you really are inside and you.

    to be honest, when I first met Liam I told my friend that he was one in a million and that has always stuck, we haven't used 'the one' expression, he is simply my one in a million as I feel he is someone very special.

    xxx

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    1. Haha this is why I adore you Rach... Ryan Reynolds?! Yes please! ;)

      Aw, how romantic! You and Liam seem like the one of the loveliest couple on this planet! You best invite me to the wedding...Xx

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  7. Such a true post hun, I don't believe in the one, i don't think there such thing as a perfect relationship either, i think it just happen to be fate or luck but i don't even know if thats the case.
    When i met my boyfriend and he messaged me randomly on myspace out the blue i decided from that first message that something big was to come of this even though he was a complete stranger who i'd just met.

    i think its all about being in the right place at the right time.

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  8. & the amount of times i've had some pretty amazing random conversations with strangers who i've never met again, they tend to be the people I never forget.

    x x x

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    1. Aw thank you for such a lovely comment Charlotte! Being in the right place at the right time is definitely important! It's amazing how things work out and the way that we meet people!

      Xx

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  9. Totally true!
    If you have time I'd love to know what do you think of my fashion blog. It's all about my sense of style between Barcelona and Paris!
    xoxo
    M.

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