Sunday, 25 March 2012
'The One', and 'The One, for now'
I've never been a massive believer in 'the one'. I've always been more of a 'the one, for now' kind of girl, not because I'm a bed-hopping, man-eating commitment-phobe (I'm not, honest), but because I understand that us human folk change and evolve so much throughout our lifetimes, that 'the one' is often just a beautiful myth glamourised by Channing Tatum clad films and captivating romantic novels that warm our hearts. Don't get me wrong, I love these stories, I love being in love, and I love the idea of love; extraordinary, soul-binding, eternal love (the proof is in the pudding/the blog post), but let's be honest, in a world where expectations are high, and dating is so accessible, living a happily-ever-after with just one person until I'm grey seems to me, at the moment, just a lovely thought that's going to remain upon the well-read pages of the books I know and love.
Having spent many a fine evening exploring the realms of my wonky brain cells and collaborating my thoughts on this topic, I've realised that the amount of time shared with someone isn't necessarily the most important thing. Yes, a couple that have spent endless years together may well have developed the extraordinary, soul-binding, eternal love that I speak of, but a couple on the opposite side of the street that have been together for the same amount of time may not have had a proper conversation in a decade.
As much as I'd love to find someone that I could marry some day, I'm more than happy to embrace and enjoy the concept of 'the one, for now.' After all, without such wonderful creatures, I know that my notebooks would be emptier, my learnt lessons would be fewer, and my shoebox stuffed with every single romantic card/gift/letter I have ever received would probably hold a battered old pair of hooker heels instead. Battered old hooker heels aren't half as lovely, and can't be quoted in Chapter 5 of my novel, either.
The essence of the situation is the most beautiful and important part of being romantically involved with someone. I don't appreciate menfolk any less just because it doesn't work out, or because we change, grow apart, and move on. I don't appreciate a guy any less because we don't stay in touch. Apart from the occasional 'hello' if we run into each other, and annual Facebook catch up, I never speak to my ex boyfriend, however I'll always think of him fondly because of how much I loved him, and how happy he made me at the time. The noodles he cooked me were pretty special too.
Once upon a fine summer's night, I met a soldier and sat on the beach with him until 6am talking about the world, as he sees it, and it was one of the most valuable conversations of my life. I knew his innermost, deepest thoughts by sunrise, but I didn't even know his name, and when we left each other there was no exchange of numbers or displays of dramatic emotion. That was us, and all that we were supposed to be, and as he disappeared into the distance, I found that the butterflies in my stomach did too. That was us, and that was our time, and we parted by saying that we were entirely grateful for it.
I appreciate the menfolk I have/have had feelings for because of the memories we've made, and the things I've learnt from them. Whether they're still in my phonebook or not does not define the role they've played in my life or the way that I think of them, and I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that even if I do find 'the one', I will still value every single man that's captured my heart and imagination beforehand. I've finally realised that it doesn't matter if my life differs from the characters in the books that I cherish. Their story is theirs, and this story is mine.
And that folks, is all I have to say today. Sarcasm and wit will resume next blog post, I promise.
What does 'the one' mean to you?