A Sussex based blogger sharing a candid tale of 20-something humanness

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Relationship junkies

(*Image sourced from and credited to behappy.me*)

We all know a relationship junkie/serial monogamist.

Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem with long term relationships, and rather like the idea of finding someone who makes me want to stick around for longer than a few dates and a disappointing kiss. I also fully appreciate that people are going to have more than one relationship in a lifetime.

However, I can't help but feel a little saddened when people commit to one person, and then another, and then another, and then another (repeat process until old and wrinkly....), without so much as 5 spare minutes to prance around naked to Beyonce's 'Single Ladies', or even learn the slightest rights from their relationship wrongs. Their relationship ends, and just one Adele-lyric-clad Facebook status later, they've been tagged in photos with their new 'soulmate', and are suddenly the most infuriatingly 'loved up' person on the planet. Seriously folks, I've no issues with happiness when it's genuine, but is an annual pass to the 'luuurrrveeee lounge' and a constant desire to be with someone really a fulfilling way to live?!

I have come to realise that a guy I was once involved with, who, by the way, is still completely oblivious to the fact that he fits this description, is the ultimate serial monogamist. He was pretty chilled at first, but as soon as I agreed to be his doting girlfriend, he made me the sole focus of his entire life, and refrained from doing anything that related to him following his own dreams or living as an independent human being. It was incredibly flattering for about 2 minutes, before it became decidedly creepy. I love an ambitious man, and here I was, stuck with someone whose only ambition was to love me even more than he had done yesterday. Shit. 

If I wasn't such a contemplative, analytical dork, he would have made an entirely convincing boyfriend, and although I got lost in an awkward, hysterical state of laughter when he told me I was 'most definitely' the girl he was going to marry, I was quite touched by how much he cared about me. Unfortunately, he didn't care for me half as much as he thought he did. Yup, he may well have banged on about butterflies and goosebumps and soul-mates and flowers and all things beautiful and wonderful, and he may well have convinced himself that I was his future Mrs Brilliant, but once upon a time, he'd also thought these things about Ashley. And Tamara. And Rachel. And Kerry. And Emily. And Sophie. And Jessica. And every other girl that had given him a smooch the second he'd sent the words 'beautiful', 'perfect', and 'intelligent' flying in their direction. Guilty as charged.

I can't help but feel that the mind of the relationship junkie is one with an unhealthy core of extreme neediness and dependency; one that absolutely must latch on to someone. I can only assume that such intense relationships with so many people are a simple means of distraction from unresolved anger, pain and insecurity. There is a difference between being in love, and being addicted, and I think it's time that people who suffer with this realise that finding their 76th 'soulmate' does not mean that they are a Paddy McGuinness style romance royalty, but instead that they are trying to compensate for a love that they have been cheated of in their past. It's not cool, and it's not fair, particularly when it involves holding another human being hostage with your feelings.

The thought of being a relationship junkie is one that sends me running for the hills in my Spanx, and I am eternally grateful that I not only have the confidence to be happy and satisfied with life whether there's a man on the scene or not, but also to realise that the most important, fulfilling, and exciting relationship in life is the one that you have with yourself. Preach it. Happiness may well be heightened by a love interest, but it starts from within, and no human being should be defined by the person that they're stealing kisses with.

Love, real love, is a vast and fascinating world that should be appreciated in all its glory, not used as a scapegoat from reality.

What do you think folks? Do you know someone like this? Are you a relationship junkie with a different opinion? Tweet me your thoughts! @kathyb5710


  1. You speak the truth, girl! Haha, I love reading your posts. You always make me smile.

    Lots of love xxx


  2. This is FAB! It's so true! Unfortunately, I know a few people like that and will do whatever it takes to change their Facebook relationship status from 'single' to 'in a relationship'. And then for the next 3 months it on then off again then on and then...oh slap me sideways there's someone else! Haha!

    Awesome post me old china. You're so brilliant.

    Jen xx

    1. Haha yes, amen! It does bongo my banjo a little, as you may have noticed!

      Thank you so much you fine piece of hunk! Xx

  3. Love this post! Luckily for me a couple of friends are only a liiiittle bit like this, and not as bad as described! x


  4. I 100% whole heartedly agree with your statement! The most important relationship is indeed with yourself. When I was in school so many girls were having 'relationships' with guys they didn't even like just for the sake of having a boyfriend. I being stubborn old me refused to do this and go out with any randomer, so whilst my classmates were happy and then sobbing over their latest boyfriend, I was curling up with my cat falling in love with Sherlock Holmes. I'm so glad I was extremely picky and this paid off when I met Mr.Boyfriend who is 99.9999% perfect. Any man that still finds me attractive in my monkey pj's on is the man for me.
    Serial monogamists will really regret having so many relationships and who really wants to be with a girl who's slept with about 30 men before hand?Being single can be lonely, but it can be great to get to know yourself and spend time with your friends and family. You are a very wise lady Kathy B! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk/

    1. It certainly is, lady! And good for you, it certainly did pay off, because Mr Boyfriend is lovely and a half!

      Yeah, I think they will too! It's insecurity more than anything, and it does bongo my banjo, and make me a little glum, these people need some more confidence! Xx

  5. You go girl!

    I am so happy to have found someone who shares the same vision on relationship junkies/serial monogamists!

    I have to say that I've been thinking this way for a long time.
    I used to think that having a boyfriend was the most important thing of the world, and not being able to change my FB status really used to bother me. I also was really jealous of all my friends who were in relationships.

    But thank God, I've changed. I've realized that you don't need anybody to be happy but you. And now I am REALLY happy. I finally live my life the way I want to and actually enjoy it!

    Morgane x

    1. Thank you for such a super comment! I'm really glad you agree! And you couldn't be more right, you don't need to be with someone to be happy, relationships should never define who somebody is!



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