A candid tale of 20-something humanness and extended note to self.

Friday, 15 June 2012

Cupid gone wrong, and the curse of the flailing genitals...



Once upon a time, after witnessing me glance mournfully at a pan au chocolat (click right here...), my best friend made it her mission to cheer me up. By this, I mean she morphed into Cupid-gone-wrong and decided to play matchmaker with one of her friends that I hadn't yet had the pleasure of meeting. 

I've got to give it to her, my best friend is a woman of devilish persuasion. Prior to meeting Todd (aka single, male friend), he was all she rambled on about, all of the time. In fact, I heard his name so much, and had so many photos of him tossed frantically into my face, that I even started dreaming about him doing nude somersaults. Yup. Before we'd even so much as exchanged a sultry glance, I'd spent an entire night gawping at his flailing genitals. I'm a wild one, me.

After weeks of insisting that it was absolutely never going to work (flailing genitals must be an omen, right?!), I realised that I had nothing to lose, and so, I decided, when he tweeted me asking for my number (romance? dead? As if...), to live on the edge and let him have it. And so, the fun began.

Todd and I began our short adventure by sending each other long-winded, chuckle-erupting messages about all sorts of fine and wonderful things; telescopes, Scrabble, my best friend's devilish persuasion, and The Animals of Farthing Wood proving hot topics. Whilst strangerfolk I've texted before have stuck to more standard conversation topics, I did begin to find Todd's quirkiness, intellect, and appreciation of pompous owls fairly intriguing. I have been known, after all, to like a quirky man, and I have also been known to appreciate a good, pompous owl. I'm a hoot, me. 

As Todd and I have a couple of mutual friends, we didn't arrange a 'proper' first date, mainly because we knew, with our shared chum circle, that we were extremely likely to bump into each other at some point very soon, but also because neither of us were particularly willing to wrap up a mutual appreciation of pompous owls as a one way ticket to dating central. 

A couple of evenings later, we did bump into each other, and I guess, if you define 'hitting it off' as drinking copious amounts of wine, talking utter goosesticks, and stealing a cheeky little kiss in his kitchen, then yes, hit it off we did. This jolly, vino-fuelled routine continued for a few, consecutive weeks, but despite the fact that the kisses were enjoyable (smooch, smooch), and his jacket was entirely comfortable, relationship-style chemistry just didn't suffice, and there was no desire to keep on chinwagging once the night was over. It was clear, to both of us, that my best friend must have been having a funny five minutes when she thought we'd be holding hands and burning an eternal flame together.

As if to confirm our obvious incompatibility, somewhere amidst the jolly, jubilee weekend, his best friend and mine were getting cosy, and Todd and I were forced into our final rendezvouz, double date stylie; funfair and all. Queen Marge, you deviant, you.

Whilst my best friend and her manfriend strolled slowly, arm in arm, along the seafront, Todd and I skipped along the promenade like a sprightly pair of llamas, keeping a 3 metre distance at all times. Whilst my best friend and her manfriend exchanged flirty, competitive glances and come-hither eyebrows on the bump-a-cars, Todd held his middle finger up at me, whilst I badgered my best friend to crash into his side of the cart, hard. Whilst my best friend and her manfriend kissed on the ferris wheel, Todd sat, rigid, in a state of genuine terror, whilst I mocked him profusely. And whilst my best friend and her manfriend snuggled up in Todd's bed, Todd fell asleep, on the sofa, whilst I smirked in the armchair and tweeted pictures of him half-slobbering in his slumber. Yes folks, it's safe to say, that it just wasn't meant to be.

Whilst I was a little surprised at my best friend's awful Cupid skills (compatibility, what the devil is compatibility?!), I can't thank her enough for being so hideously bad at finding me a man, because jay zeus and fiddlesticks, the whole fiasco really cheered me up. Todd was a very welcome distraction at a time when my life was about as exciting as a mound of gravel, and he made me endlessly chuckle with his unorthodox thought processes and inability to beat me at half-drunk clapping games.

Oh, and his face on the ferris wheel... Best. Thing. Ever. 


Has your best friend ever played Cupid?! Did it work, or did you too have an incompatibility spectacular?!

xXx

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16 comments

  1. I don't think my best friend ever played Cupid... Two girls, when I was about 12, told the boy I had a crush on that I wanted to date him, but I think they secretly wanted him to laugh at me. But he didn't, and we actually dated. AH!

    Anyway. As usual, reading this was an absolute pleasure!

    Morgane xx

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  2. Haha awwww! Yes, I think when friends play Cupid you can't help but expect that they're plotting against you in a bid to entertain themselves! My best was so amused throughout the funfair fiasco!

    Thank you very much! :) xXx

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  3. I'll start by saying that I bloody love The Animals of Farthing Wood! Aww bless it can be nice when friends set you up but at the end of the day you're the only person who knows what type of man is best for you. I'd stick to ogling at Sky men if I were you! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Animals of Farthing Wood is just brilliant TV, it can't be denied! Amen to that! It was a good laugh, but I'm not sure I shall let my lovely best friend take the reigns again!! xXx

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  4. That was the best thibg I've read in a very long time! Thnk you for bringing a smile to my face. I can totally sypathise with the whole thing, it's just plain awkward right?
    I know she only meant it as a good thing, I love that best friends feel that they know the way forward in your life. Hey, one day, they might get the guy right haha!

    Love, Elizabeth xx

    http://butterflyboo.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Aw thank you! That's so sweet, I'm glad you liked it! :) Awkward is definitely the word!

      Haha one day indeed! Either way, I will keep you all posted! ;)

      xXx

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  5. Love this post, it really made me giggle! Are you friends now? Because it sounds like you got on really well as friends.
    Sometimes you do just need a bit of a distraction, even if it doesn't turn into anything, sometime a brief fling is all you need! xxx

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    1. Aww yay! Thank you! I do try! ;) Yeah, there's no hard feelings there whatsoever! I don't see him often nowadays but I'll gladly say hello and remind him of his ferris wheel face next time I do!

      Amen to that, fine lady! xXx

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  6. Glad to hear your feeling better, its good he made you giggle :) xx

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    1. Thank you! Haha he certainly did!! Xx

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  7. Aww at least she set you up with someone, some of my friends haven't been as helpful as that in the past, then again there normally the one who I have brake the bad new,
    Judging by your friendly banter I'm sure you've got a new male friend for life.

    You prince charming is just around the corner :)
    I can assure you, someone as lovely as you will never be an old cat lady :)

    x x x

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    1. Yeah, she certainly tried, although I think it was for her own entertainment more than anything! :)

      Let's hope so hey?

      Thank you for your loveliness! xXx

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  8. What a lovely sweet chuckle I have just had to myself reading this, as ever Miss B you have made me smile like a dog with bad wind (that is meant to be funny, damn I am no good at this)!

    It all started off as thought it would go somewhere, but how dare the male stick his middle finger up at you, what would good old Liz say to him ay? Glad you managed to escape this one, but all in all a wonderful story to us all as ever!

    xx

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    1. Hahaha you are funny, you silly lady! I know, Liz would not be impressed at all! Yup, a bad date makes a good story, right?! Xx

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  9. Aww hehe this made me laugh. I'm glad the bad date antics cheered you up a bit.

    I had a friend play Cupid once. It did not go well. After the date, I realised I didn't fancy him at all so I let him down gently. What did he do? He demanded the money back from me for the drinks and dinner he bought me! OMG!!! Worst date ever! Haha!

    Fabulous post as always,

    Jen xx

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    1. Wahoo, I aim to please lovely lady! :)

      OH DEAR. He sounds like a fine, fine man. A tad awkward...

      Thank you!

      xXX

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