A candid tale of 20-something humanness and extended note to self.

Monday, 27 August 2012

Kathy B's Guide to cheering up after missing out...



Last week, I was presented with an opportunity that would have changed my life. To cut a long, wonderful story short, it was the most perfect career opportunity that has ever showed its seductive face, and I was convinced that I would throw my arms and legs around it like a crazed koala, and make it all mine, achieving one of my biggest ambitions in the process.

Unfortunately, despite how promising everything looked for me, the outcome did not go to plan, at all. Crumble, crumble, apple crumble. In one sunny afternoon, I morphed from a happy, confident, excited human being, into a defeated, blubbering mess, and spent at least two hours of the evening lost in a world of silent misery, convinced that nothing would ever make me feel better. Yup, the bitter disappointment that accompanies a missed opportunity is a hideous little beast, and in a situation of its kind, it is so easy to feel like your dreams are absolutely bloody pointless. Sigh.

However, not all is lost, because according to the continuing functionality of the human race, and the fact that I find myself as jolly as a galloping horse today, life does go on (pheeeeeew!), and that 'what could have been...' feeling is not an incurable condition. I promise.

So, my fine, talented reader-folk, here are some tips to cheer yourself up when you find yourself faced with a similar situation...

Have a good ol' fashioned cry. I'm one of those irritating people who bottles up their deepest thoughts and feelings 84% of the time. However, this time, I decided to break my 'I'M 'AARD' rule, and let it all out, mascara stained face and all. And hurraaaay, I think it actually helped. Granted, I ended up looking like I'd been dragged through a hedge sideways and feasted on by a wild boar, but I felt so much better. Sniffle.

Don't be bitter towards those that did better. It's unfair, and it's unnecessary. The chances are that they deserved it just as much as you did, so for the love of sweet chumhood, be happy for them.

Get naked and throw some hideous shapes.  I'm a firm believer in the power of flailing limbs and awful dance moves, especially when times are tough. Trust me, life never seems quite so cruel after an atrocious boogie. Go on; I dare you.

Exercise. If naked dancing isn't quite your thing, then maybe standard exercise is. Those sciencey folk tell me that it's one of the finest stress busters there is. And if it involves a hula hoop and some cheesy 90s pop, then we're on our way to something pretty damn special.

Comfort eat. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to shovel the entire contents of your fridge into your mouth like your stomach is an endless pit (especially amidst all that calorie-blitzing), but I do think that an edible treat can work wonders in giving you a delicious cuddle from the inside. Mmmmm, porky goodness.

Spend some time with people that make you smile. Human beings are a wonderful, wonderful thing. Though you may not feel like socialising, you'll wonder why the devil you didn't when you're crying with laughter at your best friend's unconventional, sarcastic advice, or nestling into somebody lovely for a super spoonfest. (Especially, if like me, you're about 3ft tall and get to be little spoon all of the time).

Take as many positives from the situation as you can. Although you might find yourself temporarily dominated by a negative feeling (the Christian Grey of feelings, perhaps?!), the likelihood is that there's something positive to take from the situation too, whether it be a valuable lesson or experience, an ego boost, some brilliant contacts, or just the knowledge alone that you got as far as you did. Stop being so hard on yourself and give yourself a hearty pat on the back instead.

Believe in yourself. So one opportunity didn't work out? That, unfortunately, is just life. And as hard as it may be, it shan't be the last time it happens. Just remember that you are bloody terrific, and that sometimes great things fall apart for even better things to come together. Never, ever doubt what you can achieve; you can do whatever the devil you put your mind to.

Appreciate life's simplest pleasures. OOOOH, look at that! The cutest little birdie just fluttered by your window. OOOOH, look at that! A cloud? Shaped like a poodle digging for a chewy bone?! Wowzers. OOOH, look at that! A delicious, bearded man strolling around looking completely delightful. It turns out that there's always something to smile about.

Look to the future. Yesterday is not a day that we shall be seeing again. Lovely as it would be, we can't go back and do things differently. Instead, we have to pull ourselves together and start moving forward. When there's a will, there's a way. A-men.

So there we have it lovely people, some half-wise words from a very unwise blogger. Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? How did you cheer yourself up? Did it lead to better things?

Tweet me your thoughts: @kathyb5710
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8 comments

  1. Hello Kathy ! Let's start with a bit of humor ! Reading your first paragraph, I just told me that you had found on your way something like a giant chocolate cookie, or were offered your tall in peanut butter, but suddenly, had realized that you were on your bedroom floor, awake ! :) )

    I know that feeling of disapointment, oh yes, I know it. And to answer your question, time has taught me to look and appreciate the simpliest pleasure of life, in those moments. As you write it. Because nothing is absolutely wrong in our lives, and all of us must decide one day if our glass is half full or half empty. So in those moments, I can react with agressivity, facing the person or the situation like "a man" has to face it, but the most of the time, I just tell myself this girl is a whore, this guy is an asshole, these people are dumbers, and I go my way ahead. I just turn the page, no time to lose. And if I have failed for a reason depending from myself, well, eventually I apologize, or I try to understand what I have badly done. Sometimes, we are not professional enough, not good enough, and the most important is to learn from our mistakes, and to evolve.

    I hope you did well with your novel. I'm writing something too, the scenario of my first graphic novel. One day I'll send you an email, I wanna talk a little bit, and I have something to ask. Do you have notions in french language, by the way ?

    Keep the faith in the Big Donut Provider, and keep the good work up. If it was a guy, he is probably a lame if he let you down,and if it was for a job opportunity, it will be for the next time. Time is all the same our enemy and our best allied. Nothing is really done when you keep your two arms and your two legs. Even without legs and arm, a man has crossed the Channel. So... a lot of things can be done !

    Oh, one last thing... don't apologize for being absent. To spend a lot of time on the internet is the best way to fail everything. It makes you lose time, and transform you into an addicted long before you realize it. It's better to build some things, or to do some things, in reality. Cheers ! :D

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    1. Wowee! Another lovely, lovely comment Manu! Thank you! :) You never fail to make me smile!

      I could not agree with you more. The simplest things in life really do need to be appreciated, and it's definitely important not to dwell on things for too long, because like you say, there's no time to lose! Every day is another opportunity for something fantastic to happen, and yes, we just keep evolving! :)

      Thank you! :) Oh how exciting! Novel writing is super, super rewarding! Yes, you should. You can email me anytime, just click on the contact page and there are a couple of addresses on there! I'm not brilliant at French but do have a basic understanding!

      Thank you very, very much for your positivity! Xx

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  2. I hope you're ok Kathy, you seem to have the best mindset and I'm super impressed :) I completely agree with you about the dancing. I once heard that singing loudly actually releases some kind of hormone or chemical which puts you in a better mood, obviously with this comes dancing!

    I'm a huge crier, it would normally make me sound like a huge whimp but once it is all out my system I feel so much happier! So cry cry cry it all out.

    I also agree about looking to the future, there is no point dwelling on the past (easier said than done) becuase it will only make it harder to move on.

    BIG LOVE LADY xxxx

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    1. Aw Becca, thank you! :) I try, I try! A lot of the time I need to write these blog posts to convince myself haha!

      Yes, singing loudly definitely helps too! I do love committing the occasional murder of a beautiful song!

      Dwelling is a dangerous game, so I totally agree with you there. Onwards and upwards!

      BIG LOVE to you too! :)

      xXx

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  3. Aww Kathy!! Love this. I love how positive you are about the situation and how you've written this spanktastically INSPIRING posts for others. Many, many good points there. I often have days where I feel 'What's the point?!' but I just pick myself up and head to the gym. Really helps! I also put on some 80's and 90's tunes and sing to my cat, haha!

    Anyway, glad you're okay. Will be passing this post on, it's one of my faves!

    Jen xxx

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    1. Aw thank you Jen! Yes, gymming it or exercising in some way, shape or form most definitely helps! Especially when accompanied by 80s/90s tunes and singing to furry animals... You go girl!

      Thank you very much! :)

      xXx

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  4. Absolutely brilliant! Such a beneficial post, so that is bookmarked on my laptop, I'll have a read of that again whenever I feel down. Thank you for doing this, that is what everybody needs. Whenever I feel down, I just cry and sleep. As I started to feel better, I usually hit the gym- it usually makes me a little happier

    xx
    The Young Bridget Jones

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    1. Aw that's so lovely of you! Thank you! I'm so glad you've enjoyed it and will use it when you're feeling a bit rubbish!

      xXx

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