Having spent many nights of the past week engrossed in 'Eat, Pray, Love', I came across the below quote, and had a bit of a lightbulb moment.
“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long), waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
I do have a history of making decisions very quickly about men, decisions that tend to occur five minutes after I've met them with an all too enthusiastic 'OOOOOOH, ISN'T HE LUUUUUURVELY', and end with a bbq pizza, a consolatory bottle of wine, and a sense of desperate loss. While of course it hasn't been this way for every single man I've ever been involved with (I'm not 100% deluded, I promise), I too, have hung onto relationships, or to my own feelings for someone, because I've loved the idea of what I thought they could be, whilst failing to accept that they are, and will eternally remain, a) a Class A insert-naughty-word-here, b) not suited to me whatsoever, c) absolutely uninterested, or d) all of the above. Woops.
I'm not sure why I am the way I am, but it's probably the biggest downside to serial jolliness/optimism. Through my flawed assumption that every human on this earth has the capacity to be absolutely bloody marvellous, I have made myself pretty vulnerable to getting hurt, and wasted a lot of my valuable time, time that could be spent spooning my best friend or trying to amuse kind folk in the blogosphere, on people that most definitely didn't deserve it. Oh, what a silly devil I am.
But not all is lost, because I can honestly say that coming across this quote has had, and will have a positive influence upon my life. I appreciate many of you will think I'm being a little dramatic, but bloody norah, I have been waiting for those words to come my way. I read them, and bangalang, every bad decision I've ever made about a man suddenly made sense. I understand myself a whole load better because of these words, and I am now on a one woman mission to ensure that this does not happen again. Ever. To put it into its simplest terms, next time I hear myself say 'oh, but there's a good person in there somewhere, I just know it', I will run fourteen miles in the opposite direction.
Oh, and if you think this blog post was written with you in mind, then yup, it probably was.