A Sussex based blogger sharing a candid tale of 20-something humanness

Saturday, 15 July 2017

How to be kinder to yourself

Don't settle for the job that makes you miserable; for the relationship you seek so much more from; for the 'friend' who makes you feel like the smallest person in the room. You're better than all of that. 

Permit yourself to make mistakes. A royal fuck up is inevitable from time to time. Apologise. Pick up the pieces. Move forward. It is all learning. It will all help.

Nourish your body. Eat fruit in vibrant colours, and try to work some veg into every dinner. Drink water: lots of it. Stretch, and sweat, and shake. Make time to exercise, even if that just means movin' and groovin' to some nineties classics in your pants, and nap, if you need to. There are few things an extra hour of sleep can't make better.

Accept that life: humanness, will always be messy. Imperfect. That the routine of living is good days and bad days and mediocre days and days where you wade through the shit and days where you bask in the sunlight. You are entitled to live and experience all of these days, and it's perfectly reasonable not to give yourself a hard time over the ones that don't go to plan. On those days, do at least one thing: one small, tangible thing that gives you a sense of control: a sense of something. Brush the knots out of your hair, do the crossword, wander to your favourite cafe and order a slice of that cake you love: the one with the berries and the fresh cream that lingers, like an unexpected kiss, on the corners of your mouth. It's there, somewhere: that little beacon of light, even when darkness blinds you. 

Spend a pocket of each day doing whatever it is that that fills your heart with the good stuff. Being 'too busy' is not an excuse. You get to be the protagonist of your own life: you get to choose how you spend your time.

Be kinder to others. Think she's one of the bravest people you've ever met? Say it. Love how his eyes light up as he talks about that one thing with fierce enthusiasm? Let him know. Adore them? People rarely realise their own strengths; how wonderful and valued they are. Tell them, tell them, tell them. Listen to people, and support their endeavours, and drop everything when they need you. Be the person who helps the elderly lady across the street, or drops a fiver in a busker's hat, or says good morning to strangers. Your vibe attracts your tribe. There's no such thing as altruism, not really: you will get so much from giving.

Wank. Wear the red lipstick, if it makes you feel beautiful. Light 25 candles in your room, just because you like the smell of them when you blow them out. Turn the music up a notch, and yes, absolutely lose the entire afternoon to reading the book that has you captivated, and treat yourself to the damn dress now and again. Cuddle people. Buy a head massager and massage your head for two minutes before bed. I'm telling you, there are very few greater feelings on this earth. You're welcome. 

Stop comparing yourself to others. In this vast, digital, instagram-filtered age, it's all too easy to fall into a cynical trap. 'She's prettier than me.' 'She's waaaay more talented than I am.' 'She eats acai bowls.... ACAI BOWLS. I am a failure to humanity!' The more we compare ourselves to others, the more we lose sight of the good within us. And there really is a lot of good inside of you, remember that. We're flawed and fragile, the lot of us. Turn your bloody phone off now and again. Get to know your own strengths.

Before you go to sleep, list three things you are grateful for, and three things you are excited about. 
Catch a sunset as often as you can. Sit by the sea. All of these things will refocus you.


Push out of your comfort zone. Fear is, so often, the price we pay to experience the magic: the extraordinary, world-changing magic of this bizarre little life, and for that it's not a good enough reason not to do something. So I think we have to learn to accept the emotion, somehow. To say yes. To sit with the discomfort, make it a cup of tea if you will, but never let it host the party. Take a deep breath. 'What if it doesn't work out?' 

But...'What if it does?


  1. I adore how you write Kathy and I love the line "You get to be the protagonist of your own life." It's so so true and not enough people realise that. This is something that everyone should read, regardless of their age, position or mental state. Lovely piece :)

    Sarah xx

    1. Thank you so much, Sarah! :) I'm glad you enjoyed reading. Gotta make some time to look after ourselves! xx

  2. Kathy, your writing always has me in total awe. I'm just taking your advice and letting you know that your way with words is amazing.
    And this has soooo much good advice. As someone who has suffered for years with the comparing myself to others thing, I'm trying hard to learn how to break that habit. And how to let go of the toxic and one-sided friendships I've been trying to bumble along with for old times' sake.


Thanks so much for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Don't forget to leave a link to some of your own writing; I'm always on the look out for more reading material.

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