A Sussex based blogger sharing a candid tale of 20-something humanness

Friday, 30 September 2011

Forever is over, but today has just begun...

Once upon a time, in a southern seaside suburb, I met a man that changed my life. He was deliciously cute, wonderfully charming, hilariously funny....oh, and oh-so-conveniently Mr Heartbreak-of-the-decade (though unfortunately, he didn't come with a health and safety warning.) Believe me, if he had, I may have paid less attention.

We met on an alcohol-fuelled night out, and in between rambling about pointless crap and being unable to walk in a straight line, our chemistry was more instant than the pathetic, hysterical panic attack I seem to have every time I see a daddy-long-legs.

Before I stumbled into a taxi home, we exchanged numbers, and he picked me up to hug me goodbye. As you can imagine, this  resulted in us both tumbling off of the kerb like a pair of flailing giraffes and laughing hysterically for what felt like a fortnight, but was probably only eight and a half minutes. We were hideously drunk (don't tell my mother), yet despite the inexcusable amount of wine/beer/vodka/mixers I had consumed the night before, and my rather horrific ankle injury, I woke up the next morning and for once my first thought wasn't 'I need a bacon sandwich'. I'd known him for five minutes, and was absolutely hooked.

For a few blissful weeks, we were disgustingly happy (think PDA overload), carefree, and lost in a perfect world of butterflies, laughter, and play-fighting each other for the last crispy chip in the paper bag. He could do a fantastic pigeon impression, and while I can't say this is a high contender on my GEC (groom eligibility checklist), it did make me laugh, a lot. Simple things please simple minds, after all.  Like an apple out of a tree, I fell for him hard and fast, and spent most of my time away from him telling him how much I missed him on the phone. (Before I sound like a weird, creepy stalker with a deceiving smile, I will take this opportunity to clarify that he called me at least six times out of every ten.)

Unfortunately, that’s all it was for us at first; a few blissful weeks. Mr HOTD had an ex-girlfriend on the scene, and it became pretty clear that I'd been his Miss Rebound. We both decided that it would be best for things to ease off while he sorted out his frazzling brain, and consequently I spent the following seventy four evenings eating my weight in triple chocolate cookies, feeling ridiculously sorry for myself. 

A few months later, we bumped into each other in exactly the same spot where we'd met (cue shrieks of 'it's fate!' between myself and my best friend in the toilet), and did the hurricane-meets-tornado shebang all over again. On the last morning that I spent with him, we played a game of darts, pigged out on KFC, and talked about life. 

"We always find our way back to each other, me and you." he said. "It’s fate. I've got a feeling this might last forever." 

I haven't heard from him since.

I don’t know what happened to my Mr Perfect, or to all of the plans and dreams that came with him. I haven’t, as of yet, had the chance to reminisce with him about those perfect days we shared, or find out why they didn’t turn into the endless nights of Chinese takeaways, dork movies and sarcastic insults that I’d envisaged they would. I’ve seen him, once or twice, but that’s usually been inside a packed, noisy nightclub, where conversation is about as impossible as stapling a vodka and coke to the ceiling. The last time I did see him, he gave me a big cuddle that made my stomach do some kind of Olympic backflip, told me how sorry he was, and promised that one day he would explain why he seemed to drop off of the face of the planet.  I'm pretty sure I'll never get that explanation. After all, with mutual friends, Facebook, and my number, it wouldn't exactly be mission impossible for him to get in touch.

My best friends have heard this story a thousand times, and have often asked me why I'm not bitter. He is, according to them, a Class A pr*ck. After all, unless of course, when he said 'this might last forever', he was actually referring to the endless mind games/confusion about what went so wrong, forever is over. He broke my heart, and understandably, they're not lining up to tell him he's wonderful and ruffle his hair.

But I'm not bitter. I'm 100% not bitter, I promise. Because, although it took me a long time to stop eating those cookies in the aftermath of being dumped at Heartbreak Hotel with a hell load of baggage, I completely understand the emotional frying pan that Mr HOTD's brain was in when we first met. When I'd broken up with my first boyfriend six months prior to that, I'd been England's answer to Havisham. It wasn't pretty. And following the subsequent bereavement of a relative that meant the entire world to me, it's safe to say that my brain was right there next to his, in said emotional frying pan. Fair enough, he probably shouldn't have used the 'F' word, and he most definitely shouldn't have disappeared without letting me know it was over, but we got tossed together at the same time that we were both falling apart, and I don't see how I can be anything other than grateful for how we pulled each other back together.

I will end this by telling you that Mr HOTD had a tattoo that said Carpe Diem, which is latin for 'Seize the Day'. He may have withdrawn his 'forever', but it's just an empty word compared to the value of living for the moment, embracing every day/moment as it comes, and accepting that life is a beautifully mysterious adventure, and that sometimes things don't work out the way we think that they will.

You can find an update on the Mr HOTD story right here!

What's your Mr HOTD story? Is he still in your life? Are you angry and bitter, or completely over it?

Love to you all ladies! Embrace every second of love, passion and madness! And watch out for the man that does the brilliant pigeon impression....




  1. Aww that's so sad,I'm sending lots of cuddles! Men can be so silly sometimes! I've thankfully not had a huge heartbreak,mainly because I've been so picky with men, but I did have one guy that led me on for about a year. We were spending every day talking and all night sometimes and we said we would meet up, but he always kept making excuses. He was my brother's friends,little brother which I knew vaguely. We seemed to have this spark and we really hit it off. He was one of those guys that when they have you they treat you like shit and then when they don't have you,they are all over you. He suddenly stopped talking to me and then 6 months later he started talking to me again and saying all these romantic things, but then he said that his friends had stolen his phone. It was ridiculous and really upset me,I was only 14. So I tossed him into the rubbish tip along with my best friends cousin that would constantly ask me to go naked on webcam and another guy that met up with my friend,the same one and was all over me and wanted to be with me. He had gotten two girls pregnant and expected sex on the first date so I told him to f off too. Now I have the most amazing and perfect boyfriend EVER! He will do anything for me and is so sweet and caring. Sadly he doesn't do a pigeon impression but he does do some accents pretty well!
    He isn't worth your tears honey and you deserve a lot better! Sorry for my long comment!

  2. Lovely post, my Mr HOTD moved to brighton a year ago, so a good five hours from me. he's one of those guys i will never forget, but also the one i want to forget the most!


  3. I'm so sorry that he turned out to be the guy he is now, but so happy that you did have the nice memories together at the same time. I always say that everything happens for a reason, he came into your life for a reason and will leave for a reason as well, hopefully that reason will turn into Mr Right/Perfect for you.

    As always, an amazing story to read and so well written, I love it.


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  5. Thank you so much girlies! I know it's something we've all been through! And while it's completely heart-breaking, it's also a massive learning curve, and let's be honest, a bit of a thrill, as you never know when they might pop up again.

    I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason though, so let's hope that it will all be worth it and I'll meet Mr Oh-So-Right in the end! Xx

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