A Sussex based blogger sharing a candid tale of 20-something humanness

Monday, 16 May 2016

How to love someone

(*photo credit to Nick Kenrick*)

Be honest. Have the conversation. Say the nice thing. Kiss them: on their forehead; on that spot behind their ear that sends goosebumps across their body; on their dry lips, sedated and gently, when you both stir in the darkness.

Know that you do not belong to them, nor they to you. Your residency in their heart is not kept by right, not by some great puppetry of the universe, but by your kindness. Your attentiveness. Your understanding. The way your face lights up like a firework when they walk into the room. How your eyes trap theirs with fervent favour.

Wonder if you've ever liked a face as much as theirs. Wonder if you ever will again.

Be curious. Give yourself to them, your whole self: vulnerable and raw. Share stories and ideas and philosophies and silly little in jokes. Ask them questions: delve deep into their wonderful, gritty soul. Humans are ever-growing, ever-changing. There are few things more beautiful than thinking you've discovered the everything of a person and then stumbling across something more. Something greater, still. Another reason to love them.

Be there at 2pm. And 2am. And too. When they're laughing so much they almost urinate on the floor. When they're struggling to make the decision. When they're crippled by doubt or sadness or the damn fucking awful burden of a mental health issue. Be there, even when you don't know what to say. Especially when you don't know what to say.

Scrawl a note to thank them. For being kind to next door's puppy. For being your biggest cheerleader. For being all of the extraordinary things that they are. Feel lucky that you get to be alongside them: this wonderful person, so perfectly imperfect. Wear that privilege like a badge of honour.

Take adventures; discover a piece of the world together. Get naked. Build forts. Chase sunsets. Laugh like small children when you drive for three hours and don't make it in time. Laugh. At this bizarre life. At the weird things that happened that day. At each other.

Never expect them to complete you. You are already complete, with your organs and thoughts and big ideas and wild dreams and hairy toes. Realise that yes, you must love them with the fullest of hearts, but you must love yourself too. Love yourself first.

Embroider beautiful words into the air between you. Leave them longing for that next perfect sentence. Leave them longing. Belonging

Choose trying, always. Because that's what love is, and that's what love is about.


  1. XXXX ^_^ It's me...

  2. I absolutely adore this so much. I'm reading this as I lie next to a snoring Mr Boyfriend, but even though in the night I want to smother him with a pillow due to it, I wouldn't change him for the world or for anyone. Except maybe Bradley Cooper of course, but that's obvious! My snoring man has stuck with me through everything and has been there with me in the good times laughing our heads off and has held me tight in the shitty times. He's seen me at my total utter worst and rock bottom and even washed sick out of my hair (too much info?) but still wanted to stick around, make stupid jokes with me and eat far too much Sushi. I love your bit about not belonging to them, it's so easy to get complacent in a relationship. You should always be dating and not just expect them to be there even if you treat them like shit. I also like the bit about being in love with yourself. Me and the man met so young (16 & 17) and I'd been going through a lot before and when I met him, so I couldn't say I loved myself then. But he has helped me grow to love myself in so many ways he can't understand or I can vocalise and has helped me be less harder on myself.
    I still wonder sometimes why he sticks with me and I always get the same answer back no matter what the circumstances are 'because I love you' and after 5 years, 4 moths and six days precisely it has stayed the same answer and he shows it too. I feel insanely lucky and I totally agree about showing your whole to the person you love, even the vulnerable sides and the sides of you that you might not like so much. Beautiful post yet again, but I just want to clarify something though? When you say "get naked" and then say "build forts" do you mean at the same time? Just wanted to clear that up! Thanks for entertaining me why I listen to the snore machine! Lots of love, XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk

  3. I really liked reading this because I enjoy reading what others think on concepts that actually are just as intangible as air. Can't touch it but can feel it. Honestly, my biggest thing about loving someone is loving them how they need to be loved, not how you need to be loved.

    S .x http://ramblingsofayoungprgirl.blogspot.com


Thanks so much for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Don't forget to leave a link to some of your own writing; I'm always on the look out for more reading material.

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